Childhood Loss Of Mother and Grief Counseling:

It’s estimated 6 million children in the U.S. will experience the death of a parent or sibling by age 18. Prolonged, unprocessed grief leads to PTSD, drug and substance abuse, as well as cancer, cardiac disease, hypertension, and suicide if left untreated in children and adults just like Jesse according to clinical research studies and health experts at the Mayo Clinic. That’s exactly what Wayside Cross Ministries Bible-based, Christ-centered recovery and transitional housing programs were designed to address.

Author Donna Mathewson,
Edited by Tom Davidson

Jesse was only thirteen when his mother passed away. It was the first time anyone close to him had died. Shortly after, Jesse started high school, but instead of doing the right thing, he did the opposite. Without a good role model or anyone to take an active interest, Jesse began looking for any excuse to cut class. Eventually, he stopped going to school, participating in sports, and he stopped working.

It seemed obvious, Jesse was grieving without the support he needed as a young teen. Prior to his mother’s death Jesse had delivered papers, run errands, recalling how he always seemed to have a little hustle job on the side. “After my mother passed…I just stopped everything,” Jesse confided. He had a father, uncles, and brothers, but they just didn’t understand how to help him through his grief. They were grieving themselves, so he found himself hanging around the house depressed, not even knowing that he was in a bitter struggle.

Dr. David Brent, MD said,

“The death of parent is an incredibly stressful event for a child, and one that can have profound consequences for the child’s future wellbeing.” 

In a project that took more than a decade to complete, Dr. Brent and co-senior author Nadine Melhem, PhD, Associate Professor of Psychiatry, and colleagues examined pediatric bereavement for seven years following the sudden loss of a parent by suicide, accident, or natural death. They followed 216 children like Jesse ages 7 to 17 and compared them to 172 demographically similar nonbereaved children. The children and their surviving parents were interviewed at five different points in time, across the seven years of the study.

As this study revealed, there can be a devasting and lasting impact on these children if they do not get the support and the help they need at the time. The outcome can be devastating.

Unfortunately, Jesse was left to his own devices. With no support or help at home Jesse found himself in prison for the first time in 1975, and, as he later shared, for the next thirty years or so he was in and out of prison.

“I have called you by name, though you do not know me.” ~ Isaiah 45:4

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”

~ Jeremiah 29:11

“Your beauty and love chased after me every day of my life. I’m back home in the house of GOD for the rest of my life.” ~Psalm 23:6 MSG

“My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me; and I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand.” ~ John 10:27-28

Today, Jesse has a big Christian community, not just his Wayside Cross family, but his church as well. Both support him and nourish his soul. “This is the place where I found out how God works,” says Jesse. “It’s where I found my purpose.”  This is where Jesse learned what God’s plan was for him, plans to give him a “hope and a future.”

A long-time graduate, living independently he continues to give back by working at the ministry, Jesse carries tremendous influence with our men in recovery. He can be seen regularly making time to speak with and encourage residents after the workday is done. In many ways, He has become a fisher of men.

If you know of someone in need of a safe place to recover and rebuild their life, call Wayside Cross Ministries’ Lifespring Center for Women or Master’s Touch for Men at 630-892-4239.

As a warehouse manager for our thrift stores Jesse shares with each new resident in recovery, “These clothes really are no different than you and I. They may seem used, and discarded but they still have purpose, they still have value. To Christ, we are all precious in His sight.”

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